The perks of being an owl

I took a deep breathe and listened to the bray of my heart.

I feel I’ve come to neglect this blog, which I should add, was mean’t for the purpose of me posting ”well-thought” and ”coherent” blog posts about well informed arguments, but let’s be honest, for those posts to form, you have to have the interest in the thought, and well, be an interesting person. I also believe that these thoughts are more likely to be conjured up when the in-between cracked thoughts, (What I like to call brain stew) are far away from whirling around your brain and can hassle you no more. As people, I think we forget to truly reflect on our day in fear of  seeing mundane and for the fear of no-one caring,  but actually ask yourself: Do you really want to inform someone about your day or simply just let it out of your system? 

So I’m just going to write. I encourage you do the same, too. Fairly therapeutic considering it’s just micro-blogging after all. I bet this will come to be something I seriously hate my self for even having the slightest silliest bit of thought to do, as I found myself in the same mindset when reading back the section Myspace had where you could write blogstyle posts. So much unnecessary feeling about teenage angst and so much use of MCR lyrics. Pretty embarrassing. Never again.

 It was one of those strange bursts of British summer days when even the sky is confused as to why  it’s emitting warm and sunlight onto us, warmth is an extreme rarity - especially when you reside in the northern parts (Yorkshire represent) So it was pleasantly surprising but also extremely taxing when you’re cooped up in a stuffy science room revising the drys parts to Psychology. I felt waves of loneliness hit me in Psychology, almost like the opposite of the penny dropping. The penny just did  not  drop, I couldn’t engage in any conversation of any worth,  and I felt my  self wanting to, just not managing it. I don’t want to glamorize awkwardness, but do you ever get that sheer inability to talk to people sometimes? Like, as much as you try to sync yourself to the conversation - you know you truly don’t want to? For some reason the song Brick by Ben Folds Five echoed through my brain, particularly the line: ”I’m feeling more alone, then I ever have  before”  Not that this line reflects my current loneliness, just the way in  which Ben sings it - the sort of mellow but annoyed tones in his voice do reflect my loneliness.

Do you know whats quite a scary thought? That someone somewhere must be feeling lonely, just as lonely as you do now. And the most sad part? There is a chance you could get on very well with them. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like a failed J.D Salinger novel when I started writing this - I promise. Its just quite a harrowing thought.

After that, I proceeded outside and ignored any outstanding pieces of work I had to do to just enjoy the nice weather. It was also my friends birthday so I got a doughnut and put a candle in it and sung to her. 

I hope you had a nice day people of Tumblr, and if not, hope you have a nice day tomorrow. 

forgivemeloveology:

IMPORTANT QUESTION TIME! If you are aware of The Madonna/Whore complex, why do you think it is so prominent in society and the mainstream view? (Serious question, asking for my Arts Award) You can read about it here. 

In Psychology the other day, we studied Gender theories. Everyone was shocked at the concept that conventions of the genders are not  biological, that we all conform to the stereotypes of either one or the other and it’s not in our genes, just simply in our minds. It made me think of the concept of feminism. And how much the power of gender has influenced the inferiority of them both. 

To understand feminism we must first look at part of its cause, the social construction of gender. Gender is all around us. From the first day of our lives we find ourselves being labeled by it. For example when a baby is born the first thing the mother wants to know is what sex her child is, and the resulting answer will determine what color, blue or pink, the newborns blanket will be. It has become socially acceptable and to many necessary to place these titles, male or female, on an individual to give them a sense of identity. Yet I challenge the fact that it is not for the individual’s needs but more our own sense of security that we do this. A newborn child does not care whether it receives a pink or blue blanket, or what sex they are, they instead need to feel the security and love of there parent. The label of male or female therefore only gives the false sense of identity to the parents of the child.

I have also come to see that we as a society do depend on the division of labor and assigned responsibilities, and as a result we use the classification of male and female to help us to do this. Consequently we have created a stratification system in which men have come to be ranked above women. We can find this discrimination in the workplace, educational system, political or religious sectors, as well as many others. How many women are CEO’s of large corporations, been president, or even are just accepted as single parents. If a father and mother both worked who would you think to receive the largest paycheck. These along with many more are just examples of the injustice that women face on a daily ongoing basis. Society has developed these roles that a mother is required to stay at home while a father goes to work. Although, there is literally no difference between the quality of parenting or work skills in either parent. 

Feminism has nothing to do with “bra burning” or to “trashing men”, but rather gaining an understanding and making sense of the world around us. Feminism deals with challenging rather than accepting what we are told by society is right and wrong. It is standing up for ourselves and taking pride in what we do. We must see and understand our relation to the world and its practices rather than just go along with them. Feminism therefore as I have come to understand it is a movement away from historically accepted norms to a more open and equal way of living. It is not about the superiority of woman, although a lot of issues within the movement tackle issues woman face, this does not mean it ‘hates’ against the opposite gender. To ”qualify” as a feminist, you can be of either gender. 

Recently I conducted interviews about perception of art and whether it  differentiates between people or is there a mass definition that can generalize to all. 

I posed the question ”What is the Arts and how would you define them?” To most people when interviewing them, and I often received startled looks. People don’t tend to think about the definition of art, only that is exists and we create it. But what I found was after this mild confusion, and people started to really think, After being unable to pinpoint an exact definition, they would eventually concede that they could identify it as a personal approach, defining it mean’t what it was to them personally, not a ”definition” by trade. ”The Arts” by definition is a form of expression after all, and with each person holding unique life experiences, this expression can be literally anything, so it can literally be defined as anything. A manifestation of Art, however, many people said: singing, dancing, acting, music, and drawing. But Art does not necessarily stem through just these subjects alone. Art is simply created through the process of creation, and it can stem from academia, not just creativity. You may not be Shakespeare nor Picasso, but you may very well be your very own artist. Art is subjective to the artist alone, so if the artist who creates the art believe it is art, then it is art. Art is always art, even if it is not recognized as such by everyone. Art is not always about the appreciation of the creation either, art is not created in order to have effect on other people, it is there to cause an effect, and the person chooses whether that effect takes to them or not. Not whether that effect is considered as ”Art.”

Personal expeirence also changes how a person’s view on the arts is shaped. People who are more indulged in activities that are considered within ”The arts” subject at school have a more positive outlook.  Naturally, they have more experience, right? But one boy, who was interested in the sciences, told me that his own form of art was his sport and sciences. That was his outlet, and he creates with in it. So surely, that’s a form of art aswell? Maybe not to the next person, but since that person has claimed it’s his form of art, is it now a form of art?

I am unbelievably stuck in between a spectrum between ”High school is the best thing that ever happened to me.” and ”High school is the worst thing that ever happened to me. ” It’s just such a shame that I can’t look past teenage angst to see all the opportunities I have, all the people I’ve met and all the people I will meet just seem to collide all at once and I never know whether it’s positive or not. It sounds unbelievably pathetic but I want to spend my time forever in Allerton high school’s drama department, running around with kids that I know will aspire to be fabulous little thespians as time goes by and pretending to be Pokemon. I just think even the smallest of notes stay in my mind forever, and it’s never to do with social friends, it’s always to do with the work and projects I am in. I am so incredibly proud of the person I am when I am at work, especially with other people, and  especially when we are over passionate and over tired and even to the point where we are slightly sick of each other and this tiredness has just descended over our minds that we don’t even care what we are doing anymore, but we do it because there’s a great desire of reward for other people and our selfs. I’m sorry to sound so self apathetic but I feel that my apologetic ways can’t last forever, I’m a person too y’know, I understand I come to your offence and I don’t take to your liking and I am genuinely sorry but I am not the person you associate me with, I’m sorry even if you think that, but I am pretty proud of who I am, and I’ve never been proud, I’ve never been proud in my life and I feel it now, I know where I’m going and I’ve never felt that, and although I offer my apologetic ways but I guess it isn’t enough because you’re probably right, I don’t care, not even in the slightest, not even a little bit because I see such fascination in places I’m going and I see such a lost cause in dealing with people. I guess I’m always going to be offensive, pretentious, clueless, fat and in your annoyance but I don’t care. I am proud. Whether you take that as a bad thing or not, I’m proud of being Lucy Howell.

"I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited." 

 Sylvia Plath (via hslekes)

I had a full blown conversation with a kid the other day all about Tekken

Best thing ever

this blog is only of interest because its weird how my thought prcoess can change throughout time

it’s really weird when you grasp the concept that you are potentially a different person and that change does actually have a effect on you, whether it be positive or negative 

I never  even used to spent time on the internet but I’ve come to the realization that procrastination is not actually the worst thing to do

I mean especially when you feel low -  its somewhat easier to just divert your thoughts onto here or distract yourself from them by doing mindless tasks or ””micro blogging””

I mean surely its more pathetic to speed yourself up and constantly crave relevancy and force yourself onto other people purely to serve yourself mouthfuls of faux attention 

I’m not really in a situation where I feel exsessive amounts of social contact is what I want

It was all i’d crave for or well at least all i used to crave for and it never really felt like enjoyment - it just felt like a task I’d ascend myself to